What to Leave on Your Pillow
by Soul Places | Diane Ludeking
I left something vital on my pillow upon waking one morning.
At breakfast I thought I had left my brains behind, sitting like a large carnelian stone in the depression created by its weight. At lunch I thought I had left my sanity behind, pooling and dripping off my contoured pillow to the pillow-top mattress. Later I thought I had left my logic behind, hungover and dozing beneath heavy quilts.
All day long I had a nagging notion that something slipped from me in my dreams and waited on my 500 thread count pillow case for me to scoop it back up.
Like a faithful dog awaits the return of its person, this thing I left behind sat and stared at the bedroom door while the sunlight tiptoed across the wall.
Whatever I left behind that morning hung heavy and wet like a towel turban about to fall free from my showered mane. Would this feeling last for just this day? Would it seep back into my skull upon my next slumber? Did I want it back?
By nightfall, I knew what I had unwittingly left upon my pillow. What I left behind made way for the most mindful, calm and pleasant day amidst my largest storm in recent years. I wanted to know what was missing so that I could recreate the ease of this day again and again. I wanted to pick up this missing thing from my sage colored pillow case and set it upon a shelf to collect dust. What I left on my pillow would become a reminder of the way I wanted to be in the world.
What I left on my pillow that morning was fear.
It was vital that I left it there.
In order to know what a courageous life might feel like.
Beautiful piece! I couldn’t contain my curiosity as I read your brilliant words. Fear. Yes, let’s leave it behind.
Thanks Tabita.
mmmmmmmm . what’s ahead beautiful wordsmith? gathered sage on the banks of the White River in Crazy Horse Canyon on the Rosebud Reservation in South Dakota last week . left my fears at home for Mother Earth to compost . my pipestone head hit the pillow in a one room cabin that harvest night below a ringed moon and country night sky, my body covered in bluegreen love patched and stitched with love by some woman defthandedly smithing her present
Hi Lynne. Thank you for gracing Soul Places with your own word-smithing. I love the line about letting Mother Earth compost your fears – YES! Brilliant.
Good lord, ex-student, you’re becoming a wise person as well as an excellent writer. Congratulations on a thought-provoking blog. Look forward to each and every one to churn these 70-year-old grey cells of mine. Tom Braunger Date: Mon, 5 Nov 2012 16:00:16 +0000 To: tbraunge@msn.com
Wow! Thanks so much Tom. It is a great honor to have you say such things.
Diane…such beautiful phrasing!!! Your words settle into my heart and hold my soul….thank you! (p.s. girl….you rock!)
Ruth, I’m humbled by your kind words. Thank you.
wow. This one seems a step apart in its resonance, imaging. I love what you have created.
Thanks Liese. It was a fun one to write.