I used this phrase for the first time over a month ago: steeping in a tea of magic. I couldn’t describe the feelings I felt of being so grounded and peaceful any better than that. And these were new, exciting feelings for me to have for any length of time. Usually I vacillate between “just surviving” and “depression” with a tiny, barely-worth-mentioning dash of adventure thrown in there. So when these lighter feelings started to stick around, I paid attention.
As some of you may know, Handsome, my horse companion of over twenty years passed away in February. That experience and transformation on both our parts changed me forever. Still changes me. I like to give him all the credit for the gifts he gave me in living as well as dying, but I had an important role too. I had to be present to the pain and torment I felt in his last months and days. But most importantly I had to be present to his message and gift of a love so huge, it chokes me up even now. We prayed for a miracle and it came two days before he died. He led me to a place where I transcended everything I thought I knew about my life. My heart broke wide open and I knew we would always be together, just differently.
That’s when I began to steep in a tea of magic. Our experience two days before he died lit the fire that warmed my tea water.
My mourning began the boil.
And my life as I now know it, is steeping. And may steep indefinitely.
But what about this phrase, with its magic and steeping? I liked it well enough. It felt magical. Intangible. Mystical. Like setting foot on the planet of my life for the first time. But why did I like this phrase so much? Why did it capture so well exactly what I now felt? I turned to the dictionary:
Steep – verb – 1. to soak in water or other liquid, as to soften, cleanse, or extract some constituent. 2. to immerse in or saturate or imbue with some pervading, absorbing, or stupefying influence or agency.
Oh yes! I was all those things! Softened in heart. Cleansed by so many tears. Illusions extracted. And then imbued, impregnated, with the magic of potential. How can one word both remove and saturate? I became stupefied, all right! And more whole than I’ve ever been – a process I hope to continue with indefinitely.
I look forward to continuing this steep for a long time. Handsome is forever close, real and strong. The magic I feel is real and strong and now. It’s indescribable without cliches; so I won’t even try. I leave you with a clink of our tea cups and a prayer that you find your own tea of magic to steep in.
Blessings and Smiles, Diane