Warriors Weep

Copyright Diane Ludeking 2012

“There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors.” ~ Adrienne Rich

Time and time again I’ve witnessed TV interviews of people apologizing for their tears.  In some cases, these people wave their hands at the camera, cover their face or ask for the camera to be turned off, while others get up and walk off set.  I’ve witnessed this refusal of self in public places with strangers, private places with friends and even within myself.  This need to apologize for what is real, what wants expressing, is a phenomenon that makes me want to weep for those who deny themselves of this gift.  The gift of expression and being witnessed , truly seen, by another.

Sometimes the only thing I know for sure are my emotions.  My sadness, my anger, my elation, my childlike play.

These things never betray me.

Nor are these things me.  I am not sad, I feel sadness within me.

My emotions are a fingerpost home in a maze of trails through the woods.

When did it become necessary to hide these things?  Or apologize for them when they break through despite all my efforts to the contrary?  It is not easy to be vulnerable, to honor our emotions, especially with the eyes of so many upon us.  That’s why Warriors Weep!  Courageously.  Unapologetically.

Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Seaweed Forest and Flying

The forest's version of seaweed. Copyright Diane Ludeking 2012

I’ve been running past this cluster of wooden things several times a week for the last month.  Today I finally stopped to take a picture.  And twenty more throughout my run.  So much for keeping my heart rate up, but I knew this day would come.  The day when I could no longer just pass these things by without capturing them more permanently.  And considering the way my mind tweaks things with its vapid recall, I also knew my imagination would distort the heck out of these.  But don’t they look like the forest’s version of seaweed?  The way they wave without moving?  The way they beg me to swim through them instead of run around them?

I confess, my inner child is on the move these days.  And why not let her play?  These beautiful cool spring days exist for a limited time.  Before long the bugs will drive me wild, causing flailing and cursing at the air around me as I also try to maintain my awesome barefoot running form.  An occasional slap of my flesh will reveal my own blood drawn from a mosquito I’ve now killed.  But until then, let the child free!

Copyright Diane Ludeking 2012

Today she is grateful for her freedom but also takes time to encourage contemplation of the punitive action parents take when they ground their kids.  I don’t have kids and have never been grounded, but is it meant to be like a pilot without wings – grounded?  I don’t know if that’s where it came from, but it sure sounds about right.  I’ve seen the face of a child being grounded and it looked a lot like the wind had been taken out from under his wings.  Grounded.

If you were ever grounded as a child, make time today to fly and dedicate it to the child within you.  Running makes me feel like I’m flying.  So does horseback riding.  What makes you feel like you are flying?  Will you do it today?  I am interested in knowing what makes you fly – please share it in the comments.